studies drowning me out

I just took a test on tickle. The result was...not something I expected. Ok I didn't know what to expect because this test covered a huge range but I didn't expect such a positive result. The result says:

Ice, your most unique quality is that you're unusually Inspirational

You inspire others around you with your creative energy and thirst for new experiences. You are exceptionally curious and aren't afraid of learning new things - which is probably because you tend to focus on the potential positive outcome of any experience rather than dwelling on the potential negatives. You are a true explorer in the word. You want to understand and experience it all, and you're especially open to new feelings and ideas. Compared to others who are open, you are unusually imaginative. Only 1.8% of all test takers have this unique combination of personality strengths.

Ok, firstly, Ice was a nickname I used in the past, given by Timothy Loy. Lol. Back to the issue. Maybe I should start looking at myself more. I always think of how people think of me, how people will react to whatever I do and so on. This is where Christianity comes in. I shouldn't think of how people think of me but how God thinks of me. ANYWAYS, ya. I didn't know I'm inspirational. Oh wells. I'm still learning to know more about myself.

I'm FINALLY on accounting book 4. Partnership. Once I'm done with that, I can move on to past years' exam papers. I hope I can at least finish one. 24 hours from now I'd be packing my luggage and my hand carry, asking my mum whether I need or need not bring this or that.

Time flies so fast. I still remember when I first came here, I said to myself I've still got so long to go before I get into university. Now? I've only got half a year left, one term left and two rounds of major exams left. I used to ask myself, "WHEN CAN I GO BACK TO SINGAPORE FOR HOLIDAYS?!" And now my fingers can count the days left to my departure.

Coming to Australia has been a good experience. I've learnt lotsa things. But sad to say, I learnt them the hard way. I went through lotsa hardship people don't know. They only know the obvious. But they don't know what's really going on on the inside of me.

When I met up with my aunt and uncle about two to three sundays back, I realised that this is one of the best ways of independence. I also realised how much my parents mean to me. I mean, no, I'm not one of those types who used to hate my parents and stuff...ok maybe yes, when I just entered me teens. But I started to love and treasure my parents a lot when I was about to turn 15. In other words, at the second half of my secondary three year. Now? I realised how MORE my parents mean to me.

A spoilt brat I may still be but I realised that I've learnt lotsa things. Yes, I just repeated my words. I learnt how to adapt, I learnt more patience, I learnt how to take isolation and loneliness easily. My aunt went through all these too. Including friendship problems. She gave me lotsa guidelines and helped me a lot. I really owe her.

One thing I've yet to learn is to cope with stress better. I don't mean studies. Actually, I'm ok with my studies. I don't seem to get stressed with studies that easily. What I mean is the stress from relationships, friendships, isolation, loneliness, studies and other factors adding up all together. They always happen at one go. And this has happened twice.

I always find myself hiding in my own room crying to myself or whoever's online and available for me. Each time I break down, I'd think of my parents even more. I need to learn how to open up and cry to friends I guess. Wait, I did, didn't I? The outcome was terrible. Pff irony's setting in.

About me wanting to stay in Singapore or Australia for good, I don't know. For now, I'd prefer going back to Singapore after university for good. BUT, the time's still far. I've still got a long time to think about it. There's still a lot of chance for lotsa things to happen to change my thinking again and again for the next three and a half years.

What I wanna ask, now, is for God to bless me, give me strength and guide me through my tough years.

Sigh, it's been so long since I blogged this way. Oh wells, off to studying again. Or maybe it's time for dinner.

signing off~RYNETTA