I Hate Myself

I'm...back in Perth. And I don't like it. At all.

Mummy's most probably on the way to work now unless she's decided to eat snake today. Daddy's most probably putting the washed clothes out to dry. Huan Yuet, Christine and Albert are most probably in school unless one of them ecided to skip school today. Greatgrandma's most probably still in bed. Grandma's probably up and going, preparing lunch.

I miss all of them. Especially my Greatgrandma. I really don't want to be here. I want to be back in Singapore, nagging at what Daddy eats/does, being there with Greatgrandma, visiting Grandma every sunday, going out with Hy, Christine and Albert, be my smallest Uncle's listening ear, and shop/kiss/hug/tease Mummy. I don't want to be here. And lastly, I want hugs from the people I love the most.

I thought everything was going on smoothly. I thought I had the most perfect and loving family. But now Greatgrandma's only got a few months left. Grandma injured her legs. My smallest Uncle's having family problems. WHY?! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!?!?! I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY EXAMS! I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY STUDIES! MY FAMILY MEANS THE MOST TO ME AND I DON'T WANT TO BE THE LAST TO KNOW ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING IN MY FAMILY.

It's going to be another four months. Mummy was crying at the airport and I was laughing at her, telling her it's going to be ONLY four more months and it won't be long. I'm hell wrong. Four months will feel like four years. Four months will mean more things will happen. And four months only mean I've only finished one out of four years of studies in Australia.

Why was I so stupid? Why did I want to come to Australia? I could have stayed in Singapore. Did JC or poly. Who cares studying in Australia will be one year faster? Who cares? I should have stayed in Singapore. I don't know but I'm hating myself.

I didn't cry at the airport but once I reached home (homestay in Perth), my tears started pouring. I haven't stopped crying since. From about 7.30 till now. I saw the messages from Mummy, Albert and Huan Yuet. I just couldn't stop crying. And I still can't. I cried through my shower. I cried through my laundrey.

I hate myself. I want to be back in Singapore.

signing off~RYNETTA