THE BROKEN HEART OF GOD.

Today's sermon was...wow. I've never had such an impact before. I mean, yes, Pastor Patrick's sermons are impactful, intellectual and all but...today's was different.

Since I came back to Perth from Singapore in July, I never failed to tear each time I'm reminded of how Greatgrandma's going to leave me anytime, how Uncle left without a word. I never failed to tear each time I listened to Avril Lavigne's Slipped Away because I always find myself able to relate to that song, or rather relate to how Avril Lavigne was feeling while writing that song. That song was a song she wrote and dedicated to her late Grandfather.

I still remember how badly I blamed God for taking away Uncle so suddenly. The Uncle I had so much fun with when I was younger and the Uncle I lost contact with for so many years. He just left like that. Without a word. Without even saying bye. No one knew where he was. No one knew he was suffering. No one knew how much he'd went through. And just like this, he was gone.

According to people who were around him during his death, he left silently. It was a heart attack that killed him. But he showed no sign of pain. He didn't look like he was struggling. They said he just "slept" with his head on the table (of a coffeeshop) for quite some time until someone thought he didn't look ok and went up to him, realising he was dead. I hope he went peacefully. I hope he really wasn't in pain. I really hope God let him die gracefully. But then again, if that's so true, how could it be a heart attack?

Then came Greatgrandma. Which was also very sudden. And shocking. Everyone knew how ill she was. Everyone but me. I blamed God for letting her suffer so much. Was on the point of backsliding. But friends kept coming to me, reassuring me and helping me through these tough times.

When Elizabeth shared her baptism testimony during baptism service and today, I really felt I could relate to how she felt. I teared. Twice. I liked how she said that just like how we grieve over our loved ones' deaths, God grieved for Jesus' death too. In fact, He grieved more than us. Then was today's sermon. God not only grieved over Jesus' death. He also grieved over how we humans walk away from God.

"Why does it take our son's death to make the people who love us come to us?", Pastor Dean Harvey asked. "Why, then, does it take Jesus' death to bring people back to God?" was his wife's reply. That, I seriously have to say, is true. We often grieve over our love one's death and push the blame on God but has anyone ever wondered how much more God grieved over Jesus' death? While we lose only ONE of our loved ones, God is losing much much more every now and then. Even while I'm typing out this entry, God is losing His people. People who turned their backs on Him.

Today's sermon was more than just a wake up call, more than just impactful. I teared. More than once. I couldn't believe how selfish I was. I couldn't believe how much I've hurt God, our Lord Father in heaven. Like Pastor Dean Harvey, I want to bring Joy to God while others bring grief to Him. And I believe everyone around me would also think likewise.

signing off~DE XIN