I gave myself excuses like, "maybe you fell for the guy in the phone and not the guy you met" but your face starts to haunt my mind and I can't forget the times you pick me up and send me back home safely each time we meet up. The conversations we had, the awkward moments you claim to like and...the bear.
I've detached that bear from my phone for about a week now but I just cannot forget that incident. It may not have been the most major event in my life (uh, obviously not) but the sweetness behind it, how it used to make me smile each time I recall, now makes me nostalgic.
I miss anticipating your sms replies, I miss laughing at your messages, making myself look like a fool laughing at her phone.
Remember that crocodile picture I sent you? Did you know I used it as my wallpaper for a few days until it made me miss you too much and I changed it. Each time I see any BMW 6 series on the road, I'll think of how you tricked me into believing you have one yourself.
This may not be killing me but it does make me feel empty, like something's missing. Normally for situations like that I will not admit to anyone, not even myself, that I'm interested in someone. But now..? When people ask me if I'm interested in anyone, I may try to hesitate as long as I could but I couldn't escape it; I end up mentioning you.
I may calmly say, "if he messages me I'll reply. If not, too bad for him." But it's a total lie. I'm not anywhere near calm on the inside. I'm thinking of the things you could be doing at present, your busy schedule, which prevented us to meet on top of my very own busy schedule, which led to all these.
I don't know if you'll ever read this. Something tells me you won't. But I miss you like insane. And it's driving me nuts.
signing off~DE XIN
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