rights i didn't go online last night coz i had a BIG fight with my parents...as in really big and really fight...well...i got home...and they started nagging at me...mainly coz they caught me going to popular buying cd and going to tuition late...and they say i'm playing truant...wad rubbish? do you need the exact definition of playing truant? it means seen leaving home for sch/tuition/wadeva and didn't even go to tt place...but hello...at least i'm going for tuition...late is so much better than never ok...well...i felt so depressed after tt coz my parents don't trust me, don't understand and follows me where ever i go and i have no fucking privacy! i pass notes to madison and vice versa again...she was trying very hard to like console me...so did mr ng...coz he knew wad happened...coz my dad complained to mr ng and mr ng (according to wad mr ng said) was trying to tell him i'm still studying and hardworking and stuff coz i asked him question bout stuffs i dun understand but mr ng? do you think they believe you? no lorh...so next time juz dun waste your breathe...let me deal with them...kk...then...tuition i feel damn depressed lorhx...i couldn't concentrate...then...i obviously dun understand the whole lesson bout trigo...the hardest chapter i've encountered...after functions tt is...hai...i hate to draw graphs...which is something i'm having in sch for both e and a maths...like wth...kk...then i got home they started nagging...i was like..."shut the fuck up"...well i'm not sure if they heard it or wad but they were still naggin...then i just went straight up my room and slam the damn bloody door...they got me down (with threatens) and i went down not coz i'm scared but coz i'm irritated by their fucking screamings...then my dad started scolding...we screamed at each other here and there...he started hitting my head...i, ofcoz, fight back...i punch him (not at the face but everywhere) and kicked him...surprising eh? i'm dark on the inside...then...i started shouting "SINCE IN YOUR EYES I DUN STUDY I DUN REVISE I DUN DO MY HOMEWORK I'M LAZY I'M A SLACKER I'M STUBBORN I'M STUPID I'M DUMB AND EVERYTHING WHY DID YOU EVEN BRING ME UP?! WHY DUN JUST HIT ME TO DEATH?! JUZ GET THE CHOPPER IN THE KITCHEN AND KILL ME LARH!" then my father diam...and he suddenly said "i dun wanna kill you" in this "serious and glum" tone...then i went to the kitchen took the chopper and place it into my dad's hand and shouted "KILL ME LARH! IF YOU GOT THE FUCKING GUTS COME KILL ME! USE THE CHOPPER AND KILL ME!"...my dad juz drop the chopper and said nothing...then i went on "IF YOU DUN HAVE THE GUTS TO KILL ME THEN JUZ SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP ACCUSING ME OF NOT STUDYING NOT REVISING NOT DOING MY HOMEWORK AND STUFF WHEN YOU DUN EVEN KNOW THE TRUTH! YOU DUN EVEN HAVE THE GUTS TO KILL WAD RIGHTS HAVE YOU TO ACCUSE ME?!" then i juz walk off up into my room and slam the door damn hard...i kicked the cupboard till the door's kinda half broken...then my moma wanted to come in but (sadly) i've locked the door up...she said her towel's at my window...then i took the towel, open the door, threw it out and slam the door SHUT...i dunno if i hurt my mom physically but who cares? then i played evanescence album "fallen" damn loudly not caring bout my parents...i'm so damn proud of myself...so proud of wad i did to my parents...so proud i managed to fight back both verbally and physically...managed to get the guts to kick anything tt i want...and make them half broken...lol...then...it's like...i locked myself up in my room and did notihng lorhx...from around 8pm...all the way...then at 9 i tried to sleep since i've got nothing better to do and i dunno how to do tt a maths thingy...and...i flipped and flopped here and there until around 9.45 i tihnk...i managed to fall asleep...then next morning eyes all swollen coz i was crying all the way...coz i felt depressed...not depression but depressed...aiya crap la...then...really swollen...the worst ever...the fight was also like the worst ever...then...i was supposed to wake up at 5 then drag all the way till 6 then unwilling wake up...went to sch...didn't talk nor mutter much...first lesson social studies...we did a cotextualized case study on singapore malaysia dispute on the water prob...then...we were divided into groups by IQ (remember tt IQ test)...me, jonathan, wei feng and (sadly) nicola...i was like praying damn hard tt i won't be grouped into the same group as wei da, zi han or nicola...not tt i hate them or scared of them but juz..dunno la...it's juz the feeling larhx...kk...then suay suay larhx...hai...can't be helped...then i kena the leader...wth again...then i was supposed to assign them the questions but heck la...let them assign themselves...dun give a damn...i only know i got the most difficult quesiton coz i'm (supposedly) "the one with the highest IQ in the group"...but the ones tt got the highest are jojo and jonathan...30/50...i won't say my marks coz...no point larh...then...mr soon was in too...coz...dunno y...then...blah blah blah...geog...test...i spent too much time on the first question...1 a)i) and ii)...then not much time for 1 b)i), ii) and iii)...and NO TIME for question 2...so for question two i juz anyhow scribble shit in there...kk...then...recess...i suppose i hold myself too much tt my tears juz came rolling out out of control...then stanley kept asking wad happened but i didn't reply...he smsed me saying i look gloomy...i replied tt there's no use explaining coz there's no point when no one understands me nor cares for me...i'm juz a loner and stuff...then he say loner dun mix around...i said...i'm trying to do so...ofcoz i can't...then...i busted zhiyin...which means pang seh...dunno busted or bustard...sounds the same to me so heck la...then...a maths...finally my prob is solved...as in the problem sum...then...chinese...i kena the "sha sha"...lucky neva kena bitten...haha...then...e maths...i juz got so sleepy...then i juz fell alseep...then...mrs yeo wake me up like...twice? but went back to sleep...on the third time she wake me up i couldn't get back to sleep n i've got nothing to do so i juz do the homework she asked us to do...thx to mr ng i know how to do...coz mr ng always go through the very basic of each chapter before he goes on...which means...i'm having both e and a maths in an a maths tuition...kk...then...after sch mrs yeo asked me if i was unwell...i said i woke up too early...then...i borrowed 10 bucks from stanley...coz i'm going parkway with sarah-ann...then stanley asked why...then i said coz i'm not going home...coz i dun want to...then...i took the bus to parkway...meet sarah-ann...we went to pasta-mania...so long never go together...i ate creamy chicken...she ate the one with bacon cheese and cream...then...after tt...we went ice lemon tee...saw two rings tt i like...but i bought one first...coz...i dun wanna be too spend thrift as i already am one...then...aiya duno larh...kinda forgotten...i only know we met sarah-ann's junior...then met sarah-ann's friend...then sarah-ann's friend, sarah-ann and i went BK...we also met Amat...something which sarah-ann didn't like...then at BK...there was this irritating old man who kept asking bout the day date and time...aaargh...then...moma called...like wtf...then...sarah-ann's friend sent me a techno ringtone...so cool...then...we walk...again...say sarah-ann's junior with her stead...then we kept following them haha so farnie...then...we went to mac's...somehow sarah-ann's junior and stead want to go there also...then we sat there like quite a while then my parents came to pick me up...like wth lorh...spoil the mood...kk...then i go off...go home...then dinner...i and my parents....kinda like ok alrd...but...i won't say sorry...i think my cupboard will collapse one day but...heck larh...then...here i am...sian...haiya...kk...sian...i just realised tt evanescence's songs describes so well bout my inner feelings...and for these two days i realised tt i'm one who doesn't know how to expressed my inner feelings to my friends...i'm one who doesn't express...i'm one who hides...the real me is inside of me...no one will know the real me...only i do...here's evanescence's going under


Going Under - Evanescence
now i will tell you what i've done for you
50 thousands tears i've cried
screamind deceiving and bleeding for you
and you still won't hear me
don't want your hand this time i'll save myself
maybe i'll wake up for once
not tormented daily defeated by you
just when i thought i'd reached the bottom
i'm dying again

i'm going under
drowning in you
i'm falling forever
i've got to break through
i'm going under

blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
so i don't know what's real and what's not
always confusing the thoughts in my head
so i can't trust myself anymore
i'm dying again

i'm going under
drowning in you
i'm falling forever
i've got to break through

so go on and scream
scream at me i'm so far away
i won't be broken again
i've got to beathe i can't keep going under