GREATGRANDMA.

I know Daddy told me this a few days back already but I never got the courage (nor time) to blog about it.

Greatgrandma was awake a few times while she was hospitalised and she managed to say a few last words. And she didn't forget me.

Her last words for me were just like what every other student would receive from their passing away elders. She wanted me to concentrate on my studies, do well and make her proud at the end of it.

Greatgrandma was a really nice lady. Although I wasn't as close to her as I was to Grandma, I still loved her. And I knew she loved me.

There was this point of time in my adolescence years where I thought Greatgrandma has already forgotten me. She's old, you see. But her memory has never failed on her.

When her health started to deteriorate early last year, she refused to eat when she was hospitalised. She only ate when either of my uncles cooked for her. But both my uncles were busy and couldn't cook for her the whole time. And so, Mummy gave up.

"You must eat leh. You eat already I bring De Xn come see you when she come back."

Immediately she started eating again.

But then again, ,there's an irony. A few days later, Greatgrandma requested for home-brewed coffee, not the vending machine types. And so the next day Mummy went to the hospital real early with a flask of home-brewed coffee. Daddy had to drive Mummy there, even, in fear of the coffee turning cold.

When Mummy reached, Greatgrandma looked at her and went, "Why you come so early for?!"

And then when I went home last July, Daddy and Mummy brought me to visit Greatgrandma the moment I touched down. Because I loved her so dearly, I gave her two out of the four persimmons I brought home (credits to my previous homestay parents). She was so happy and smiled to the extent where I could see every single wrinkle on her face.

She was clearly getting old. And weak. I just couldn't believe the huge change in Greatgrandma. She wasn't the same Greatgrandma before I left for Australia.

When I came back to Australia, my parents complained that Greatgrandma's always throwing tantrums. But each time my name is mentioned, she calms down.

The worst part was, the doctor predicted that she would leave somewhere late September. That September was the worst September I've ever had. What's worse, I participated in Search For A Star, a performance held by my church.

There was no news on Greatgrandma passing away, though. Which made time feel even slower as I just kept looking forward to the day where I could fly back to Singapore to visit Greatgrandma again.

The last few days I was in Australia, I repeatedly play the song "Home" by Michael Buble. I was missing home so bad. So bad that I played that song over 1000 times in just a few days.

When I finally got back, Greatgrandma looked so much better. She could even walk on her own, even. Not far, but good enough.

She always looked forward to me visiting her. Sometimes so many people visit her and she gets so tired and grumpy. But each time I visit her, she always make the effort to get out of bed and see my face.

I was so touched. So very touched that I couldn't help giving her a hug each time I visit her.

Everything went on smoothly when I'm back in Australia again. Until Mummy and I received the call about Greatgrandma. It was really hard. Really really hard.

I emailed Aunt Siew Khim my examination dates and at the same time asked her to tell Greatgrandma to hang in there and wait for me to go back. I don't know if Aunt Siew Khim managed to pass the message to Greatgrandma but she obviously couldn't wait anymore.

She left.

Since young, I always told myself I would make Greatgrandma happy by getting married early and give birth early so that Greatgrandma can have a great-greatgrandchild. That dream never happened and will never happen anymore.

She was a woman of great kindness and grace. She grew old so quietly and peacefully. She was also once a strong woman, with a big farm to deal with as well. She made dishes that no one could ever copy.

Now that Greatgrandma's gone, I'll miss her even more. I'll miss her smile. Her forehead that's imprinted on mine. Haha, yeah, my high forehead belongs to Greatgrandma. I'll also miss her ngoh hiang. The crispy skin and fragrant inside.

I would want to grow old like how Greatgrandma did. Graciously, peacefully, with a huge family.

Mummy and I were just counting together the other day. She has a total of 10 greatgrandchildren. And I hope I will live to the day where my at least one of my grandchildren gives birth to at least one greatgrandchild for me.

I believe Greatgrandma's safe in God's hands now. Only God is the judge and I trust in His judging. But even so, I do still hope that God will accept Greatgrandma into His Kingdom.

I'll miss Greatgrandma just like how she missed me while I'm in Perth.

I love you, Greatgrandma.

p.s.: Lotsa thanks to Daddy (together with Grandaunt's hubby) for being in charge of the whole funeral. I do hope he gets enough rest.

signing off~DE XIN