EMOTIONS.

It's been like...a tornado. Maybe not A tornado. But many.

You know how tornadoes have an eye in the middle where everything gets calm and all? And the next thing you know you hit the wall of the tornado again? Yeah. It's been that way for me.

I mentioned how Daddy called to update on Greatgrandma saying she was brought to the hospital for her regular checkup and everything was ok until she complained to the doctor she's been having chest pains and the doctor asked her to stay in the hospital (on top of the blood tranfusion) for further examination.

She did what the doctor said. Blood tranfusion went on smoothly but all of the sudden the doctor reported she wasn't in a stable condition. The doctor notified Aunt Siew Khim, Aunt Siew Khim called Daddy, Daddy called Mummy and Mummy told me.

When Mummy was telling me the news I could tell she was quite shaken by it. The next day I asked if she cried or not and she said she didn't. When she asked the same question on me, I replied, "Ya."

Yesterday felt a bit like hell for Mummy and I. Although we were in the city shopping for our necessities, we were still waiting for her phone to ring or even just for her phone to receive a message. Alas, when we reached home, Daddy sent an sms saying Greatgrandma's better now and she's currently sleeping.

Later that night when I was at Zion Leaders' Meeting (ZLM), Daddy sent another sms explaining Greatgrandma was sleeping because she was on the drugs the doctor gave her and now she's awake and better. She's taking in fluid food through a tube through her nose. I really hope Greatgrandma gets better.

I know I shouldn't totally blame this incident but partly because of this incident, my mood has been up and down. Sometimes I can be back to my normal self, bubbly and all (only on msn), but most of the time I appear quiet and somewhat alone.

I've even been geting upset over minor stuffs around me and I've certainly not been acting in a Godly manner.

During ZLM, we were told to receive our spiritual gifts and talk to people around us what God wants us to tell them. The whole time my mind was flooded with Greatgrandma. I couldn't find anything to say to anyone.

Dorcas came to me. God spoke through her saying I should gain confidence in Him and trust in Him more. Then Garry came. Same thing. Have confidence in God, be stronger and trust in Him more. But one more thing was added. And it was the toughest to accept.

Surrender your all to God.

I know I said I'll surrender Greatgrandma and Mummy into God's hands but the moment I received news saying Greatgrandma isn't in a stable condition, I just took Greatgrandma back from God's hands into mine.

I struggled a bit...ok, not a bit. A hell lot. I struggled a hell lot in the toilet and this voice kept repeating the same phrase.

"Trust the Lord and you'll find peace and everything will fall into place."

It was literally haunting my thoughts. I knew that very instant it was the Holy Spirit. I was still struggling. But at the end of the day, at the end of ZLM, I gave in.

"OK, LORD, I HEAR YOU! I'll surrender Greatgrandma back into your hands. I trust in You. Whatever that's gonna happen, I'll walk hand in hand with Aunt Siew Khim, Aunt Siew Hong and Aunt Siew Keow to bring my family through."

The tears stopped almost immediately. I felt free again. The journey back home in Max's car never felt better.

signing off~DE XIN