Sick of Life

I don't know what I've done in my past life to deserve all these shit. Yes, I shouldn't be believing in reincarnation but who knows maybe this is the so called hell. What have I been doing for the past 13-14 years? Since 3, I have been bullied in school EVERY YEAR. Every year I give in. I give in each time people are unhappy with me. But each time I raise my voice to tell them my unhappiness, they say I'm being unreasonable.

Yes, I've been having good times during the past 13-14 years but can the good times cover up the sufferings I've gone through? Maybe it's time some of you know something. I'm not your happy-go-lucky cheerful friend. I'm someone who once attempted suicide. I'm someone who appears to be strong but in actual fact is struggling on the inside for someone to reach into me. I keep trying to make my friends happy in every way. Give in when they think I'm in the wrong just so that we will not end up quarrelling. Cheer people up when they're down. Avoid people when they're about to be angry. What about me? ME?! Has anybody ever thought about MY feelings?

But then again, who cares? It's been close to 14 years. In fact, more than 14 years. Maybe I can still go on this way for another 14 years. Or maybe till the end of my life. Or maybe when I cannot take it I just leave, for good, to another world. I don't know what I'm talking about but I've had enough and that's it. I either go on alone happily or make sure my friends don't make me feel down again.

If you, as a friend, still don't get my message, get out of my life. I'm sick of giving in all the time.

signing off~RYNETTA