Sunday, 29 June 2008

SIGH.

After all these crap/sh!t/poop I'm going through.

I've lost a little motivation to blog like I used to.

You guys know who you are. No wait, maybe you don't. You probably won't even give a thought about the word "worry". To think I was so confident in overcoming this same problem the last time. You guys played tougher.

That doesn't mean I'm giving up or giving in. I've got my own life to live, I'm not your driver Ahmad, serving you as and when you like. I'm not strong, I can't defend your deathly strikes. But I know one thing's for sure.

I've got a God. I've got a God I can trust most in the midst of all your superficial love and care. I've got a God who watches over me and every one of you. I've got a God who collects my tears and listens to me. Most importantly, God makes me feel loved, appreciated, acknowledged, worthy, secure and everything else that you guys have cheated me of.

Oh how you can talk to Mummy and totally ignore me like I never existed. Even Mummy thinks its outrageous. How you can treat me so nicely asking me to drive so and so and once the job is done make me feel like I've turned into dust. How you can force me to drive even when I can't or don't want to.

God didn't, doesn't and will never do that to me.

"It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man." Psalm 118:8

signing off~DE XIN

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back. Don't expect love in return.

i'm sure that is what Christ would say.

dear, u got to widen your heart no matter how much anguish u have inside you.

because what i can tell u is that the world is the way it is. and nothing will change.

so if u keep expecting the world to change, u will just find yourself being trapped in the same situation again and again.

in fact everyone gets ignored every once in a while. those who aren't ignored are the ones who goes out to talk to ppl and not wait for others to talk to them. u know wad i mean?

i think ppl often talk to your mum becos they are afraid she might feel out of place in the midst of the young ppl environment. so they feel the need to specially make her feel included.

i'm sure this is not a new problem. remember, the world will not change for u. the only way u can change things is to see things in a different light.
i know u can do this. i really do want to see u happy. its not nice to have a sad neighbour u know.. be strong alright.

De Xin said...

Maybe you'd say differntly if I told you I've tried being the one talking and still get ignored. I swear it's just this zone. I've tried coming in and be involved for 1.5 years and all I get is cold shoulder after cold shoulders. And the numbers increase each time. Friends back home do not take advantage of me this way. Really. I swear it's just this zone.

Anonymous said...

how many times have we taken advantage of Jesus? But has He ever once bore grudges and stopped loving us?

i guess things get hard and injustice is felt when along the way u start to compare yourself against others. comparing is a terrible terrible thing.

i think we got to focus on how much Christ have suffered for us, den we would realise how small our situation is, and be happy that we are even alive.

i know i am in no position to say all these to u. but. its probably the 'tough love' i've learnt in this semester. to be frank to a friend. i wish i could find better ways to encourage u..
do let me know if there's anything i can do for u aight.

Anonymous said...

Life can sometime be like that.When you give put in love,you might never ever get it back.This is the same for everyone.
John 15:12-13
12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

1 Corinthians 13
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

So don't feel distressed over this things.