TIME FLIES.

Grandma and Daddy are going back this afternoon. 4pm flight (3.55 I think). Thinking back, we've really spent lotsa time together, so much that I haven't had the time to actually sit down and study or blog.

Grandma was telling me the other day that her legs were really giving her a lot of trouble. From that I could really tell she was really getting old. 71, this year. And she keeps saying how she doesn't know if she'd be still around to see me get a job, get my first pay and, needless to say, get married.

I kept telling her all that was rubbish and that she's not at all old but when I look at her walking pace, the amount of food she eats and the way she climbs up and down the stairs, I started to fear. What if one day she'll just suddenly leave us like Greatgrandma did?

True, everyone has to leave sooner or later and I'm not trying to curse my Grandma or anything but...it gets really scary. I've only had one Grandma and one Greatgrandma my whole life. I only had one Grandpa for merely 1.5 years and he left us when I was only 1.5 years old.

Now let's look at Daddy. We've been staying under different roofs for close to 2 years and not only did I realise he, too, is getting older, I also realised there was this growing gap between both of us.

Yes, we still very much love each other. We hold hands, hug, tickle and even waltz together. He sometimes feel more like my boyfriend/brother than father. He feels much closer than a father.

The problem is, we're understanding each other less and less. What I used to find funny about his sacarsm or jokes ain't funny anymore. I've somewhat outgrown his childish treatment towards me but I'm definitely still a baby girl in his eyes.

I've been thinking about it over and over again for the past few nights before I sleep and it never fails to bring tears to my eyes. How could I have been so spoilt and ignorant? Daddy's getting old and it's almost impossible for him to see me as an adult after pampering and spoiling me for almost 18 whole years as a baby girl.

I've tried my best, sometimes to give in more and not bicker so much but it still felt very unusual. I've grown up bickering at him and Mummy all the time. But sometimes it gets out of hand for Daddy and I.

I know I have to give in. I'm his baby girl. And baby girls do not scream at the top of their lungs at their daddys. They cry. They cry for attention and not push their daddys in one corner just because they're busy or frustrated.

As much as I feel angry sometimes at Daddy, I also feel that I've failed as a daughter. I've failed to understand Daddy. I've failed to meet Daddy's needs. And time after time I ask for too much from him but he's never uttered a single word of anger. He just gives this disappointed look which hurts my heart everytime I look at it or think back about it.

I can't wait for the day where I can start working and earn some money and actually take care of him. His love cannot be measured using money. It's priceless. But that's the least I can do for him. And I'm willing to do more than the least.

I love you, Daddy. I know you love me too. =)

signing off~DE XIN