every so often i will see couples walking past me, hand in hand, lovey-dovey.

n so i ask myself.

wad am i doing?

wad have i been doing for the past FOUR years?

flirtatious n desperate for the first two years? blindly fallen in love for the first half of the third year? cheated for the second half of the third year? n the fourth year?

i dun have much time left n i know that myself.

no.

not about the "O"s.

but bout something else.

guys after guys coming up to me. one after another, none suited me. i suited none either.

but wad m i doing?

i know i'll be leaving. i know i won't be staying long.

but why m i still longing for one last relationship before i leave?

have i actually realised that by doing so, i'll be hurting one fragile heart?

i have.

i swear i have.

but something in me just keeps pushing and forcing me to look for that one last relationship.

but why?

what in the world is happening to me?

maybe i should refrain myself from falling in love. till i get my doctorate. till i start a big business of my own. till i settle down. till i get filthy rich.

but by then,

will there still be time for me to fall in love?

i might just crumple up n die.

how long?

how long more do i have left?