why do i always have to live in a life of jealousy?
i always get close n intimate with a guy but the next thing i know is tt he's with either someone close to me or a friend.
i never seem to be able to settle down since tt asshole cheated on me.
that asshole.
the guy who stopped me from playing around with guys.
the guy that taught me how to be loyal when it comes to love.
but he cheated on me.
he cheated my feelings.
came up with all sort of stories.
made me believe in him blindly.
till the day i found out he actually left me for another girl.
i realised i was being too gullible.
guys after guys.
i thought i could settle down.
but either they aint suitable for me or they left me for some reason or another.
arthur's right.
Love is a funny thing.
It could make you, or break you.
Badly.
All things end badly.
If not, they wouldn't end.
If it's meant to be, it'll happen.
for 15 years, people think im a lucky, rich girl.
yes im lucky for having such loving parents.
rich im not.
even if i am, so wad?
i can get everything money can buy.
but i cant get things money can't buy.
losing a loved one is not something easy to get over with.
losing a favourite relative is something harder to get over with.
imagine urself as a kid.
an ur uncle brought u to a shopping centre.
he brought u into this bowling centre.
u begged him for a game or two.
he told u he didnt have the shoes for it.
and that he will bring u to bowling again.
n teach you.
n then for years, u lost contact with him.
u almost forgot him.
until one day a group of policemen came up to your door.
n tell u that u lost someone who had promised to play with n teach you bowling.
that u lost someone u lost contact with for years.
that u lost someone u least expected to lose.
that that "someone" is none other than ur favourite uncle.
how does it feel?
not very good.
occassionally i cry over his death.
i couldnt even bring myself to believe he's dead.
i thought i couldn't trust anyone yet again.
i can have such loving parents.
i can have things i want.
but there's still an empty space in me.
that can never be filled.
coz once a person's dead,
he can never come back to life.

God? are you even there? have you had enough fun? playing with my feelings? torturing me? giving me such difficulty since day 1 of my life? is this wad u want? for me to suffer?

i've had enough.