WHEN GOD CAME KNOCKING.

He came knocking on my door this afternoon.

"Huh, God, is that really You? You do know I'm rushing for time right?"

That was my first thought. The moment I walked pass Him, He stopped and bent down, tired. I slowed down, eventually coming to a stop. Turning around to ask if He was ok was a huge challenge as that was something I've not done in a while. But I'm glad I did. The joy in His eyes...I'll never forget.

Was rushing for ushering this afternoon and just outside Broadway Fair this gentleman had 6 plastic bags full of groceries. Could really tell he was struggling and I didn't know if I should go give him a hand. I thought he was a guy and he should be able to manage it better than I can. But he was panting and sweating and having one bag less would definitely have been much easier.

I pretended to be busy (with my pepsi max bottle hahahaha not funny) but in the corner of my eyes, I saw him squat down with a heavy sigh. I could feel two feelings in that sigh. Sigh of tiredness (from that man) and sigh of disappointment (definitely from God).

Decided to gather all courage and asked if he was ok. When he refused with his limited vocabulary, I immediately could tell he was from China (not saying all Chinese people have limited vocabulary but his very strong accent gave it all away as well). So I started conversing with him in my very limited Chinese and insisted I was gonna be ok helping him. Took a bag each from each of his hands and started walking towards where he was heading.

As we walked, we realised both of us were Christians. He's from some United-something-something-something (he doesn't know what it's called in English). Compared how our churches were so different in worship styles and yet so similar in the activities we carry out.

By the time I reached his place, I realised it was just as good as me walking all the way back home from Broadway Fair and out again. The moment I started making my way back to UWA, I sent an sms to Derell, apologizing that I was gonna be late.

As silly as it may seem, going back and forth again, it actually made me search my heart of service. Serving God is not all about being on time, neglecting everything around me. True, it's important to be punctual but what value is there in the service if you are going to neglect the other areas God wants you to serve in?

For MONTHS I've been wanting God to talk to me and I realised I've been pushing Him away every time he tried to talk to me. I gave (and probably still will but hopefully much less) all sorts of excuses. I'm rushing. Are You sure it's You? You think I can actually do it? He/She will probably think I'm crazy, God.

Each time I gave an excuse, God lowered the level of challenge. To the point where all He wanted was for me to help a stranger carry his groceries. The challenge was definitely still there (I was gonna be late for ushering) but the biggest challenge, after all, is still myself, how I prioritize things, how I define service.

I remember two weeks ago, when a speaker in church preached about how we should serve with a genuine heart, I confessed I had trouble doing so. Not that I've not been serving with a genuine heart, but I just found it so difficult. Especially when there are so many people (not naming names) around me serving just for the image, just for the much-awaited "promotion", placing false hopes in me sometimes. It becomes a temptation for me to do likewise and it doesn't help with my struggle of serving with a genuine heart. It so doesn't help at all.

The speaker prayed for me (and the others who confessed) and I think, to some, waiting for 2 weeks for such an answer from God may be long. I personally think it's better late than never. For He might be preparing me for it, in His time.

If you ask me whether it's extremely difficult to be doing this at such a tough time (if you don't already know I'm going through an extremely tough time), I think it's more of refreshing then difficult. It's like a recharge of energy and assurance I'll never get anywhere else. It's also like a cleansing of heart. =)

signing off~DE XIN