Tuesday 15 April 2008

WHAT IF. I DIED.

Sorry for the recent outburst of emo entries (if you even realise). Mummy and I were having a chat with Bijia about inherited sicknesses. Diabetes. Heart disease. High blood pressure. Having them coming both ways (paternal and maternal) makes me feel doubly ill.

I don't have any of these at the moment, of course, but the thought of it is really scary. Even scarier than my phobia of darkness (yes, that's my biggest phobia, if you haven't known). Especially when I find my greatest pleasure in good food.

My first reaction is fear. What if I died young? Then was relief. It'd be good if I died young. Less sufferings here on Earth. Lastly was peace. I know I'll be with God.

I don't know. I always get these feelings when I come back to Perth. Where I always feel so rejected, kicked in the corner and invisible. Never felt this way when I go back to Singapore. Really wonder why.



Do they even realise Aunty Chia do have a daughter and "it so happens" to be me?



signing off~DE XIN
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9 comments:

funmikeguy said...

hope i'm not one of those ppl who kick u around. :)

11:52 am
De Xin said...

Uh. I don't know who you are so I can't tell. Hah.

2:15 pm
funmikeguy said...

its me. Irfan. hahahahaha

2:57 pm
Wei Xian said...

They? Who is they?

3:26 pm
De Xin said...

irfan - HAHA! Hey! No you havent =D. You've been really great, actually. Listening to all my crap. Heh.

wx - The core people in general. You know.

5:24 pm
Anonymous said...

Hmm....maybe you should try to stick around a group of people, listen what their topic is about, then maybe join the conversation =D

Yea most of the time i notice that you are alone in the corner there, or juz standing alone, I think the best way is not to wait people to engage you, but juz try to click in their topic and join in the discussion =)

anyway, why got another facebook acc?

7:57 pm
De Xin said...

wilson - I end up standing alone is 'cos they still ignore me or push me aside (not literally) when I tried joining them. Talk of course must talk same topic ma.

Another facebook account 'cos my current one has no wall and it refuses to let me change my name to the correct one. Sick.

12:11 am
Lil' Star said...

hey..I can understand your feeling of being left out or not being able to blend in with the rest.I know its frustrating.at times u just feel like u have been kicked ard.

but hey, take a look around and I'm pretty sure u will be able to find ppl who are standing in one corner, who feel left out like how u have. why dont u be the one who take the first step to reach out to them?even u dont feel that u're being treasured by others,but u can be the one who make a difference,the one who make others feel treasured.

Just like how Jesus chose to show us His love even before we show others. And can u imagine if Jesus chose to treat us the way we treat Him,I'm pretty sure u know what would the consequences be. Try to see things from a different angle and you will feel different.

10:37 am
De Xin said...

lil' star - Yepyep. Hence the latest post. Haha. Reaching out to those who feel likewise. At least 3 ppl have told me the same problems.

4:59 pm

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