at first, i didnt actually wanna blog THIS entry here in this blog as i was afraid i would break some fragile heart of HIS. apparently, i have TWO blogs but i only use ONE for the moment. the other one's a just in case.

well, YES i have met him just yesterday. the minute i saw him i felt as if i was gonna faint.

no, NOT because he's john johnson cute but because he's...ugly (im not saying im good looking).

so he was in this blue t-shirt which looked small to me (just nice is small to me) n jeans that are not baggy. so point number one, he's got a POOR fashion taste.

then, he's mouth. the bottom's jutting out (just like wei feng). its NOT that im against big bottom mouths but he looked as if he NEVER swallows his saliva. yes, it's disgusting. n not only that, he's got bad breath.

bad enough? NO.

he has this reeeaaallyyy oily face with many MANY dents. it's WORSE than marcus quek's(or kwek's) face. way worse. i was wondering, if he offered tissue for me to wipe my sweat (n even wanted to wipe them for me), WHY DIDNT HE WIPE THOSE OIL AWAY?!

then he offered to send me home. fair enough. gentlemanly.

when we were at the bus stop, he was standing on my right n my farking disapointing right hand was empty. letting those tkgs girls see i have a freak standing beside me is already bad enough but guess wad? HE TRIED TO HOLD MY HAND. ofcoz i took my hand away. he asked me, why? i said i dun wanna do these things when we only JUST met. i mean HELLO?! im not ur girlfriend(never) or something nor m i ur sister(thank God)!

then in the bus on the way home, hy called me. she asked me "so how is he? is he cute?" "no" "are you having fun?" "NO" "oh ok i gtg. ttyl" then she hung up. to make matters MUUUUUCH worse, zi han, zhi hao, jacksen, jojo boarded the SAME FARKING bus n saw me with that freak.

so four of you, if u're reading this, im telling you that HE HAS GOT NO FARKIN THING TO DO WITH ME.

then we got off the bus n he walked me home. all the way to the park. so halfway, i LIED to him my mum was home (NO ONE WAS AT HOME) n i didnt want her to see me with him(like DUH he's so ugly).

so i said goodbye n he asked something that made me wanna kick him right at his banana. if he actually has one.

"can i hug you?"

OH MY FARKING GOD how m i supposed to hug HIM?! i can hug EVERYONE in my class, even the teachers, BUT NOT HIM. i said "no" n said bye. so he walked off n i went my way.

i don't know if he stalked me all the way to my house but if he did, he'd better be careful.

this is so dream haunting! it's like the most terrible nightmare i ever had.

omg how i WISH it was really just a nightmare. he even messaged me afterwards asking me to be his girlfriend. ????????????????????. he's just like a desperate guy desperate for love! my ex was also one but he was at least a DECENT looking one(just way too skinny).

even ugly guys are bad! cute guys are taken! so is john farking johnson! only bad ones are left! UGLY ONES! oh my God.

if this is a message from God saying i should not have a boyfriend at least until the end of "O"s, im tellin you im taking this message seriously.

this is so fark!

n jeffuckingery(jeffery or jeffry or jeffrey or wad ever shit), if u're reading this, n u're taking this to heart(i hope you do), im hoping u actually turn into a monster. so that i can prove the statement "men/boys/guys turn into MONSTERS when they don't get what they want".

come message me with fowl language. i'll show sherry n prove it to her.

oh well. as i've said.

good thing DON'T ALWAYS happen.

next wednesday is my chinese "O"s oral. sherry's tensed. im keepin my cool. just as usual.

i dunno why but im seeing myself being very (yes, VERY) hardworking since the holidays. i did 99% of my homework n paid attention to 99% of the lessons so far! but i have to do that.

i can't afford to flunk my prelims as my prelims will determine my future. i dun wanna continue sticking my ass around this dumb island anymore. n...

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOD I JUST RECEIVE A MAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its not only a rare moment i get a mail but also a mail from THE COLLEGE. oh my god i think im really gonna faint.

n why is it from Tony de Gruchy n not Tom Grace again? oh fark where is the pricipal??? i really hope they didnt change the principal. n...

OOOH they take 3 days to mail a letter through air from aust to singapore. tt's cool.

life is.....WONDERFUL.

*without jeffery/jeffry/jeffrey/wadeva, that is*

omg oh my God OMG OH MY GOD I AM SO FARKING HAPPY!!!!!!!!!! i can't exactly tell anyone WHY am i so happy yet as i can't trust anyone just yet. except for my mum, that is.

i can only say...IM ACCEPTED!!!!!!!!! i cant tell wad m i accepted for. i may be accepted by a guy? accepted by a competition? accepted for a contract for something? i may be accepted for just ANYTHING! omg im so contented with life now.

i do admit i was a lil down during the past few days. well the thing is, my dad gave up being big n started talking to my mum again. n wad's more surprising was he sent me home from ballet yesterday!

during ballet yesterday i saw YiLing's hair neatly tied up in a bun. i felt a rush of envy. but i stared at my own hair and i told myslef it's a lil impossible now.

the reason why YiLing's hair was neatly tied up in a bun was because she left for australia this year n continued ballet over there in another school. the school was strict on groomings so she had to have her hair neatly tied up in a bun.

now she's back in singapore for two weeks of holidays (not for good, sadly) n she still comes back for lessons (prob only for two) and she ties her hair up neatly in a bun! i remember her tieing her hair up just in a simple ponytail back then.

this is the advantage of being in australia! it's not quite a BIG deal but it contributes to self-discipline doesnt it?

well well well im also proud to say i did most of my homework. except for eng, social studies and history (hehe). BUT HEY im doing my history NOW. so dun nag at me.

but something ironic happened. sherry didnt do any of her hols hmwk except for geog! weird. simply weird.

i hope i can get at least, AT LEAST, a B3 for my chinese so that i won't have to touch that disgusting subject ever again in my whole life.

n OH MY GOD talking bout chinese, guess wad? chen li ren became the VICE PRINCIPAL. can u believe it?! all that bootlicking...really benefited her. n she starts talking english to everyone now (other than during chinese lessons with HER classes that is). but listening to her speaking english is simply a torture. its as if she's translating it up in her mind before producing it down in her disgusting mouth.

she IS a nice person but she pokes her nose around too much.

oh well.

good things never happen all the time do they?

*shrug*

below will be the letter i wrote to my parents. if they are actually my parents.

have you guys ever wondered how i felt? in this world? have both of you even wondered the stress i have gone through? werent you guys the one who taught me to soak the dishes before i wash them so that it would be easier to wash? what happened? why did you guys go back on you words and scold me for doing so? if you guys scolded me for not washing the dishes, i wouldnt mid. but the problem was that you guys scolded me for soaking the dishes! this morning daddy scolded me for not throwing away my rubbish. that, i know, is me at fault. so i threw them. but i really didnt see why daddy had to kick the bin and throw his temper around. weren't you guys the one who taught me to control my temper? i did. i washed the dishes n threw my rubbish without a noise. but you guys were the one who lost your temper this time round. i went to tuition as per normal yesterday. nodoby realised i was in pain n in agony except for one person. my ng. he told me life was never easy and we are the ones who choose our paths in life. i told him i didnt choose to have such a difficult n bumpy path in life. i even ask him will there be a day whereby God stops punishing us. i didnt tell him what was the problem. i didnt want to. but he forced it out of me n i told him it was just a family problem. he told me never to blame parents because every parent have a reason in what they do. he told me thaat if you guys were to nag at me again, i should shout 'shutup'. but i did not. i dont want to. because i know ever parents should get their mutual, basic respect. after what happened last year, i thought i could bring myself to loving you guys like never before. but now that you guys are scolding me for what you taught me, i really do not know whether or not to love or hat you. i do not know whether or not to trust you guys. but if i dont, who can i love or trust in this whole world? i lost my favourite relatice to heart attack. i lost uncle. yes. daddy's second brother. he was my childhood playmate and you guys know it. until now, its nearly two years since his death. but i still miss him. i even blame him for breaking his promise because he promised to teach me bowling but he never did. not even in my dreams. i even blame him for leaving me behind in this world to suffer alone. what ever you guys do to me i always scream back. but i still loved you. i still clled you guys 'daddy' and 'mummy'. but now that i dont even know whether or not to trust you guys, i dont know whether or not to love or hate you, i dunno whether or not to call you 'daddy' and 'mummy' either. i feel lost now. i dunno who to trust or who to love. if this is the type of life God wanted me to have, i confess i dont want a life. i'd rather remain dead in another world. and never go through these sufferings. but now that i am here i'll prove God wrong. and i'll prove you guys wrong. i will not give up so earily again. i will fight to the end. till the day i lose control over myself.

sometimes parents just NEVER change. my mum said to me today "can ur attitude towards school n us, parents, change?" by looking at my past post, what do you think? can i change? one simple farking word. NO. this morning my dad kicked the dustbin from second floor down. ok i admit it WAS my fault coz i did not throw MY rubbish away. OK. so i went to throw MY rubbish away. but i did not place the dustbin back. why? coz i wasnt the one who kicked it. it was that fuck head who kicked it. then he saw the dustbin not placed back at the original placed he kicked it further. then my mum scolded me for not throwing my rubbish. i was like WHAT THE FUCK?! i THREW it already ok. i wasnt the one who kicked the damned rubbish bin so i have no farkin responsibility to place it back. this morning my mum ask me if i wanna go for facial acting as if nothing farkin hell happened. i was thinking, might as well go. coz firstly, its FREE. yes she's paying so its FOC. secondly, im watching swan lake tomorrow at esplanade. but now that all these happened, im not going. im not going to facial. now my dad kicked the dustbin out of the house. go ahead man. then he grumble wad i always do things my way. HELLO DUDE since when. so u say the dishes thing i did it my way? u mean YOU GUYS never soaked the dishes before u wash? c'mon man i can bet for MY life that u guys ALWAYS do that. wad bout YOUR rubbish?! u guys throw ur rubbish?! NO. u guys make that sluttish part time maid throw it for you. my dad's going out for karaoke. my mum's going for facial ALONE. im gonna be home alone. since you guys say i always do things my way, i shall do it then. no use throwing ur damn petty temper around coz i did NOTHING WRONG. i washed the dishes i threw my rubbish away. u guys still throw temper around its not my farkin business. one thing for sure. i dun need u guys to be my chauffer ever again. i'll be taking bus to school, tuition, home on my own. i dunnit your farked up offer. if i dun go home, u guys will know im pissed. i'll see where i can stay around before i feel like going home tonight. this is it man. u guys have pushed me to the limits. ever heard of the chinese saying? a tiger doesnt show its claws n be a sick cat? tt's me. im showing my claws tonight. i dunno wads in your minds man. i dun farkin hell care if u love me or care for me anymore. coz even though i still love you guys, i dun need ur empathy. slap me? YOU SLAP ME?! do you know you're slapping me for no farking reason?! i knew u wanted to throw the whole puncher into the computer why didnt u? WHY DIDNT YOU?! you should have man. then i could have stayed out longer to play games OUTSIDE. now that you're gone, im gonna do things MY WAY. since you always say i do things my way, i shall do it now. YES RIGHT NOW. the clothes u folded im gonna throw it all over the house. mr ng, if u're gonna say we choose our path again im gonna slap you too. I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS FARKING PATH MAN. the world chose it. MY FARKED UP PARENTS CHOSE IT. what kinda farked up life is this. you told me to ask them to shutup if they were ridiculous again?! i did not. i said i dun like this FARKED UP LIFE. YES. i said that RIGHT INFRONT OF MY FARKED UP PARENTS. then they slap me. for wad? for no farking reason. i hate life man. i dunno why i spent so much farking money on them. on the presents. how many cats they have mistreated is UNCOUNTABLE. how many times u guys insulted innocent ppl behind their back is UNCOUNTABLE. let take the recent malaysia trip i just took. there was this very old couple. they couldnt walk fast. so everytime they couldnt catch up with the tour guide n they couldnt hear properly wad the tour guide said. so then when we were at the KL twin tour, they didnt catch the tour guide either. so when we were supposed to meet, they met at another meeting place COZ THEY SIMPLY COULDNT HEAR YOU GET IT. my mum kept insulting them behind their back. saying bad things about them. n in the bus. coz there's this kid who's sick. so he normally sleeps all the way. the old woman called him a lan3 chong. (lazy worm in chinese). my mum said bad things bout her again. DO YOU FARKIN HELL KNOW WAD IS A JOKE?! U MEAN U NEVER TAKE JOKES IN YOUR WHOLE FARKING LIFE?! man. wad is this. is this life? are they really my parents or wad? suddenly i come to doubt they are my true parents. even if they are would they even scold me for no farking reason n slap me n punch me n kick me for no farking reason? i never meant to bring up the past where my mum mistreated me. but now again. it aint my mum but my dad with a farked up attitude. who's with the attitude man.

I FARKING HELL CAN'T STAND THIS FARKING LIFE ANY FARKING MORE.

yes i only know fark. coz fark is all i know. n hell. coz im going through hell. God. if this is the life u wanted me to have, I'D RATHER NOT HAVE IT YOU HEAR ME. TAKE ME AWAY. BRING ME TO MY UNCLE. I DUN WANNA BE IN THIS WORLD EVER AGAIN. you know that movie war or the worlds or something like that? how i wish the aliens could just take over the world n brainwash these f-ed up parents.

i really dunno how m i going to go on.

sometimes life is really just SO FARKING FARKED UP. this afternoon i cooked spaghetti for myself coz my farking parents farking hell went out. after eating i decided to let the dishes soak in the water awhile so that it would be easier for my to wash afterwards. how would i know my parents farkin hell come back before i farkin hell washed the dishes. so my mum saw the dishes n scolded me. yes it WAS my fault for not washing the dishes so i went to wash the dishes. now guess wad? my mum continued smashing things around. i got so pissed i went "I ALREADY AM WASHING THE DISHES WHAT THE HELL DO U WANT NOW?!" she said "YOU SHOULD HAVE WASHED THE DISHES RIGHT AFTER U ATE!" n then i went "IT WILL BE SO FREAKIN DIFFICULT IF I DID THAT! CANT I JUST LET IT SOAK FOR A WHILE BEFORE I WASH?! WADS WRONG WITH THAT?!" then my parents scolded me for playing games n all that fark i got so pissed i screamed at them. why is my life like that man. with ridiculous parents. n my DAD. asking me to sleep at ELEVEN n wake up at EIGHT. THEN he said wake up at 7.30. i got so pissed i told him the earliest i'll wake up at will be EIGHT. any earlier i'll lock myself up. so he didnt say anything. i dun see the wads the farkin need for me to wake up at E-I-G-H-T farkin o'clock la. so now i've stop playing gb. u know wad my mum said? "SWITCH OFF THE COMP!" im like..."IM NOT EVEN PLAYING GAMES WHY SHOULD I SWITCH OFF THE COMP?!" then she said "DUN USE MSN EITHER". so im blogging right now for all of u to see wad kinda farked up life i have during the holidays. THIS is one of the farkin reason why i hate hols. WHY i wanna go aust. WHY i hate singapore. coz singapore has a fark'ed up government making farked up schools giving farked up information to parents making parents being so farking ridiculous making parents asking their children to do homework tt are so farkin useless. i admit some, SOME homework are useful. but EVEN HOLIDAY HOMEWORK?! isnt HOLIDAYS for us to REST?! wad happened to tt notion?! wad 5 day week? we still get EXTRA homework during the farking farked up weekends. wad kinda government is this. teach less learn more? do u ACTUALLY mean teach less HOMEWORK more? omFG i must really get my ass out of singapore farking soon. even if its to be a prostitute in another country. i'd rathre do that than stay in this farked up country. life is so farking difficult. n i have an uncle who left me all alone in this farked up world n let me suffer alone. someone who PROMISED to teach me bowling. someone who ONCE cared for me so dearly. wad has this world come into. seriously. i cant take this anymore. i dun even know if i can make it in aust. but even if i dont, i'd rather die in aust than in this farked up country. SINGAPORE. i've had enough of SINGAPORE. uniquely singapore? bullshit! if this is life, i'd rather not have it. call me wimp call me weak call me all u want. but this is me. the cheerful de xin u see everyday is just on the outside. wad's inside of me is farkin bleeding, tearing, crumpling. n its not my fault im an only child n im spoilt. coz MY PARENTS didnt wanna have another kid n THEY decided to spoil me. so is it my fault? NO. so the next time u wanna say im spoilt, THINK TWICE.

coz i'll SLAP you.

why do i always have to live in a life of jealousy?
i always get close n intimate with a guy but the next thing i know is tt he's with either someone close to me or a friend.
i never seem to be able to settle down since tt asshole cheated on me.
that asshole.
the guy who stopped me from playing around with guys.
the guy that taught me how to be loyal when it comes to love.
but he cheated on me.
he cheated my feelings.
came up with all sort of stories.
made me believe in him blindly.
till the day i found out he actually left me for another girl.
i realised i was being too gullible.
guys after guys.
i thought i could settle down.
but either they aint suitable for me or they left me for some reason or another.
arthur's right.
Love is a funny thing.
It could make you, or break you.
Badly.
All things end badly.
If not, they wouldn't end.
If it's meant to be, it'll happen.
for 15 years, people think im a lucky, rich girl.
yes im lucky for having such loving parents.
rich im not.
even if i am, so wad?
i can get everything money can buy.
but i cant get things money can't buy.
losing a loved one is not something easy to get over with.
losing a favourite relative is something harder to get over with.
imagine urself as a kid.
an ur uncle brought u to a shopping centre.
he brought u into this bowling centre.
u begged him for a game or two.
he told u he didnt have the shoes for it.
and that he will bring u to bowling again.
n teach you.
n then for years, u lost contact with him.
u almost forgot him.
until one day a group of policemen came up to your door.
n tell u that u lost someone who had promised to play with n teach you bowling.
that u lost someone u lost contact with for years.
that u lost someone u least expected to lose.
that that "someone" is none other than ur favourite uncle.
how does it feel?
not very good.
occassionally i cry over his death.
i couldnt even bring myself to believe he's dead.
i thought i couldn't trust anyone yet again.
i can have such loving parents.
i can have things i want.
but there's still an empty space in me.
that can never be filled.
coz once a person's dead,
he can never come back to life.

God? are you even there? have you had enough fun? playing with my feelings? torturing me? giving me such difficulty since day 1 of my life? is this wad u want? for me to suffer?

i've had enough.

yes yes i haven't blogged for a week. i know. let's start from the last friday.

my mum n her friends organised some dinner at singapore swimming club.

its SINGAPORE SWIMMING CLUB and NOT singapore chinese swimming club. rub ur eyes.

ya so they organised tt to celebrate some 2nd anniversary thing...ya. so i was the reception girl. so was my mum.

well guess wad? mum told me there won't be any cute guys as all the guests would be old aunties n uncles. but aargh although disappointed, i still had to go coz mum paid for my ticket. something i didnt expect was that...the waiters were freakin cute! omg esp the head la!

kk call me boy crazy for all i farkin care but i ain't a flirt. something called, eye candy?

well if u dunno wad's eye candy, slap urself for being dumb.

so ya the waiters were freakin cute.

now lets see. sat? tuition. sunday? ballet. monday? mum n i went to parkway's isetan to get a flask. i saw this snoopy one n i thought it would be cool to have one in the kitchen but mum said it's too small (1.02 litres). so ya. too bad.

then i had lunch at kfc. n OMG the O.R fillet burger? it IS nice but...rather...small. yeh.

tuesday mum n i went to bedok. for wad? buy new phone. so i was pleading daddy to get a 6680. but mum was askin me wad for i need a 3G phone. to think about it, mum made sense. n i dun actually need two cameras either. so i said..6681? they said 3230. i kept pleading n pleading n in the end, they got me a 6681.

YES! so this is the reward for workin hard n doing well for mid-years.

yes, i admit my results ain't those 7/8/9 a1s type but its the best results i ever got in my whole farkin sec school life!

so yep i got the phone. n oh the salsperson who sold us the phone? he was really friendly. n useful. n cute. but i think he's taken. seeing the fact that he has a ring on his fourth finger. pity. good guys are always taken.

well not to say ALL guys tt are taken are good coz some bustards have sluts as their gf. THAT is a pity.

so ya. pleased.

today. went to my aunt's (daddy's cousin) specs shop to take a look at the frame i ordered.

so i was satisfied n i will get my new specs on monday.

aaargh im getting more n more satisfied with myself. nice hair. nice phone. nice specs. nice bag. satisfying results.

yeh man. that's life.

i did get more comments on my hair. the lady working in the bubble tea store said my hair looked like aloe vera (coz its spiked). mrs skipp said its like lion king. all my friends kept playing with it.

lol.

pleased.

I GOT MY MUM A RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my mum has the pink one n i got the white one. ^^

but, our rings are of the same design, same size, n on the same finger. ^^

tt shall mark our relationship.

i didnt get daddy one coz firstly, daddy doesnt wear rings. secondly, there isnt any yellow gold ones left.

for tuition, dai yu, wei xiang n michelle were like complimenting on my hair. haha this proves it. u DON'T have to go to a real popular/well known/famous/expensive/"IN" saloon to get a good hair cut. just as long as u know how to explain the type of hairstyle u want. GET IT?! so ya dai yu said "nice" wei xiang said "zai" michelle said "chio". haha. so proud of auntie. thankyou!

then mr ng was very proud of my a maths. i gave him the question paper n answer script. he's gonna zap it. slap me for all you want but mr ng has helped me ALOT so this is one way i can help him too.

aaah im so proud of myself. from ring to hair to a maths. ^^